You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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