He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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