You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
