the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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