I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
