My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
