I think I died a long time ago.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize