i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
