i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Randomize
