Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
