i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
