I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
