My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
