WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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