I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
