John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
