in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
