dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
