i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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