mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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