remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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