party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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