Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
