i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
