There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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