i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
