i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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