just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
