Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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