Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
