So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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