I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
