Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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