I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
