The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
