So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
