im about as happy as oj after his trial
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
