a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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