He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
