My sheets look like a crime scene.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
