There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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