This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
