I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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