Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
