i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Text me some of your sweat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
