i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
