Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
