i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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