It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
