So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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