oh god the rape fog is back!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
