I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
