like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
