I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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