I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
