i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
